kso I'm "trying" to write a story, I've been trying to a long time, but now I've actually taken the time, to write one seriously. Some of my friends at school have read what few paragraphs I have written, and they think its good, but now, I need some advice from you guys, considering I know my friends won't say "Omg, thats terrible." b/c that's just to cruel. So, please, say what you want to say about it, but not like 'omg lol that sucks like crap, you shouldn't be a writer, lol that was crap...' I know it might be, but keep your comments to a limit o.o' K so here it goes

Chapter 1 - The Beginning of the Beginning (??Wow I couldn't think of a chapter name..)

It wasn't an ordinary day, I knew that much. I just had to do it. I had to jump. I had to get away, I had to jump off that cliff. Suicide? No, of course not. I wasn't depressed. I was confused. I didn't exactly know why I had to jump, just that it was necessary, and it had to be done, soon. I would like to take you back to day one, to the beginning of the beginning. (<<So cheesy.)
I was crying. Drops of water rolled down my pink cheeks. I was slapped. It happened so fast, but I was very dense, and my cheek hurt too much to think.
"...W-why..?" I whispered, to the man who slapped me, my father. He stood there confused, almost as confused as I was.
"I--..." He realized something. "..I didn't mean to slap you."
"..Dad, I'm the only one in this room." A shadow of anger covered my voice.
"I know it was you I slapped, but it wasn't you."
I looked around and realized I was in a different room. Before I was slapped, I was sitting in the ice cream parlor. I was eatting a vanilla-ice cream, enjoying every bit of it, and then black. Just that, and then I was back at the house.
"I don't understand, how did I get here? I was just at the parlor..."
"You walked here." His back was turned. I could tell he was crying too.
"But-- I don't remember.. Walking back home."
He walked out of the room. I sat there in silence. I was so confused. I decided I should go and clear my head, so I did that by sleeping. Usually I forgot a lot of things after walking up. Small things, unfortunately, this wasn't a small thing. When I woke up the next day, he was gone to work, always gone to work on a Sunday. The night before, he woke me up in the middle of the night, and asked for forgiveness from me. Now why would I do that? because he's my father and I love him. I could never say no anyway. Besides, some thing told me he wasn't me, though I could hardly believe it. I ate breakfast, went to church, and then left to explore out of town.
I loved nature, it was the best thing created in the world. As I walked a rough path I had made myself a long time ago. I listened to all the wonderful sounds, the wind gently brushing the leaves , crickets, beautiful songs created by birds and---Silence. Black. All black. It felt like seconds, but I could tell it was hours by the sun. It was gone, night. The moon was high. I was at the town fountain, I heard a faint chuckle in the distance, at least, that's what I thought.
"It's too late." The same sound from the laughter, but it was like they were speaking directly into my ear. No one was there.
Wet.
I could hear something dripping. It was wet on my shirt. I couldn't feel my arm. And then-- I collapsed. I hit the cobbled road, hard. I later found myself in a hospital room my dad was there, sleeping in the chair next to me. Tears came out of my eyes, I was confused, so confused, that it hurt. I looked at my arm, it hurt too. I could see that I was bleeding. From what?
"Arin, sweetie, are you alright?" It was my dad, he had woken up.
"W-what happened? How did I get here?"
"Honey, you've been shot. But one of the neighbors nearby saw you before it got too serious. They don't know who did it, they just found a glove and a gun."
"..Will I be alright? Can we go home now?"
"The doctor said you will be just fine, you have to stay at the hospital for a couple more days though." He was getting up. "Do you want anything to drink? I'm going to get some coffee."
"No, I'm OK."
"Alright, get some rest." i closed my eyes. I was thinking about who shot me, and why.
--
Okay, that's all I wrote so far, I know my punctuation is probably off, but hey, I can fix that all later, just tell me what you think! Thanks.

BTW. Done with school tomorrow HOHOHO~HOHOH!